An Old Post from an Old Blog Gone By the Wayside: All Shook Up

LONDON - A guard dog has ripped apart a collection of rare teddy bears, including one once owned by Elvis Presley, during a rampage at a children’s museum.

“He just went berserk,” said Daniel Medley, general manager of the Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England, where hundreds of bears were chewed up Tuesday night by the 6-year-old Doberman pinscher named Barney.

Barney ripped the head off a brown stuffed bear once owned by the young Presley during the attack, leaving fluffy stuffing and bits of bears’ limbs and heads on the museum floor. The bear, named Mabel, was made in 1909 by the German manufacturer Steiff.

The collection, valued at more than $900,000, included a red bear made by Farnell in 1910 and a Bobby Bruin made by Merrythought in 1936.

The bear with Elvis connections was owned by English aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who bought it at an Elvis memorabilia auction in Memphis, Tenn., and had loaned it to the museum.

“I’ve spoken to the bear’s owner and he is not very pleased at all,” Medley said. A security guard at the museum, Greg West, said he spent several minutes chasing Barney before wrestling the dog to the ground.

How would you like to have to make that phone call...

Hello? Mr. Slade? This is Greg, Greg West, I work nights at Wookey Hole.

No, sir, Wookey Hole Caves.

No sir, we are a museum.

For children.

Yes, Mabel's new home...actually, Mr. Slade, Mabel's the reason I'm calling sir.

Mr. Slade, you know, you were so nice to loan Mabel to us, ~which, let me take this opportunity to thank you once again for your extremely generous contribution to our, er, invaluable collection~ there's been a bit of a, you are, of course, insured, aren't you?....

No, sir, there's no problem per se, just a bit of an unexpected development in our display, actually, each person's personal definition of "problem" being a bit subjective may possibly play a part here...you do recall signing the waiver of liability for acts of God, don't you sir?.......

Of course not sir, the bear is fine.

Actually, no, that's not entirely true.

On the "Teddy Bears & Friends" standard grading and pricing scale, there may have been a slight decline in the bear's -Mabel, right? It, her name is Mabel?- overall valuation.

One thing, one very BIG thing you still have for you is that no act of God can take away that this was indeed Elvis Presley's teddy--

Yes sir, that is the second time I said act of God....Why?

No, there was no storm.

No, no lightning either.

Or locusts.

Sir, the act of God slip, er, reference, was more to...as we are all God's creatures -you are a God fearing man, aren't you, Mr.. Slade?

I know I am, scared to death of God and my mother-in-law...and emus (childhood) never mind the birds though- but as a God fearing man and as a believer that each of us, even those of "us" in the animal kingdom are an extension, if you will, of our Divine Creator, then all actions of organic, carbon-based persons or beasts are, it could be argued, are, in fact, acts of God...

Yes sir....

No sir....

Of course, sir....

Okay....

I understand sir.

We do take great pride in our relationship with you Mr. Slade...

I am personally appalled...

I had no idea he was your cousin thrice removed by common law...

Yes, that is a great point....

I like that one, too...

Aabout your great aunt, no less, -hunh-...

I see...it's just...

Well, my dog ate your bear....

Mr. Slade? Sir?